The First One! Feelings.
Depression is shit. It seems strange that such a huge mental health
issue can be summed up in those 3 words. The weird thing is that the stereotype for how
someone suffers from depression is pretty far from accurate; or at least in my
experience it is. There is a lot that the term “depression” encompasses. I’m going to try and pick up on one of those aspects
in this.... whatever the hell this is.
FEELINGS
The oxford English dictionary’s definition of depression is “severe,
typically prolonged, feelings of despondency and dejection.” It is also defined
as “a mental condition characterized by severe feelings of hopelessness and
inadequacy, typically accompanied by a lack of energy and interest in life”I think the main word within the definition of depression is
“feelings”. Feelings are one of the
biggest parts of someone’s personality, and with depression those negative
feelings are a total bitch. Feeling lost, hopeless, down, shitty, angry, upset,
distraught, confused, alone and (to use a bit of a cliché here) ‘depressed’
tend to have a knock on effect, the kicker of which is that that effect will
come back around and bite you in the arse. You get stuck in a vicious circle
which gradually spirals downwards:
I feel crappy
No motivation
Don’t do anything
no sense of
achievement
I feel crappy
(because ive done nothing)
Like I said; it is a vicious circle that comes back and bites you in
the arse. What a bastard.
Now it’s at this point I will say that one of the hardest things to do
is change your opinion of yourself. I’ve been dealing with depression for
almost 3 years now. I know I’m not as badly affected by it as I was, but there
is still a massive amount of work to be done to get me back to how I was before
my brain exploded and decided to shit all over my mental state. I still don’t
believe people when they compliment me or something I’ve done, made or said. That
is because I haven’t managed to change my opinion of myself. Once I can do that I know I will be taking a
HUGE step towards full recovery.
It is so hard to pick out the
positive aspects of your life, especially if you’re feeling shit. Those
feelings tend to give you tunnel vision. There may be positive things in your
life but you can’t see them. Others point it out, but you still can’t see it.
Or you don’t believe it. The way I see this is that you have to start small, then
expand out so you can see those bigger positives in your life.
Have you ever seen the movie
Zombieland? Remember rule #32? If not then here’s a refresher for you:
“enjoy the little
things.”
As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve found that something as small as doing
something on an xbox game can give you a sense of accomplishment. The latest
one for me was getting an achievement on tomb raider. (Great game by the way,
definitely worth a look if you’ve not played it already.) it is something that
is completely insignificant to all other aspects of my life, but I feel proud
of myself because I have done it.
In my experience little things like doing Xbox achievements, or
finishing a book I’ve wanted to read, or making a bowl using the wood turning
lathe In the garage have all been things that make me feel a little bit better
about myself. I’ve accomplished something. It may seem pointless and irrelevant
to others, but to me it’s something special and it gives me a positive feeling instead
of a negative one, even if that positivity is only there temporarily. Up’s and downs
are a big part of my life and have been a massive component during my experience
with depression.
So anyway, that’s it: my first one of these things. I’ll have to come up
with some kind of witty name for whatever the hell these are. I may just be spewing
random crap that no one understands so I apologise for that. If it makes sense to
just one person then that’s awesome! Anyone who has read this is suffering from
depression then don’t be afraid to have a go at enjoying the little things.
Baby steps and all that jazz.
Bye.
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