Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Friends, Family and Twatbags

    one of the things i have found during these past 3 years is that NOTHING helps you more than having a small group of people who care about you and try to support you.

    There will always be plenty of twatbags who couldn't give a shit about you or anyone else who is having a rough time. it may be because they don't understand or know what is going on with your mental state. it may be because they are a massive dickmunch who need to be fired out of a canon, through a fine wire mesh and into the sun, but usually its because they dont know or understand the things that are going on with you. it can turn out that they arent actually the douchebag you think they are.

   Fortunately, i have found that even just having one or two friends or family members to talk to about things is a HUGE benefit. i dont believe that anyone who has been or is affected by depression can beat it on their own. its just not possible. Support IS needed, and luckily for me i have had that support. if my mental state was a pair of boobs then my close friends are the emotional and psychological bra that hold up the double D's that are my mental health issues. (im totally stoked that i managed to get a boob reference into something about depression)

   i am not good at opening up to family members about my problems. after the period i had where i was self harming (i'll say my bit about that at a later date) my family were the last to find out about it. friends; close friends (who i wont name on this, but they know who they are) are who got me through that. the reason i stopped using a blade was because i promised my friend i wouldnt. i didnt want to let down the people i care about and the people who support me. 

    luckily for me, 2 of the people who i talked to about my mental health and how i was feeling about things i had known for a long time. both of which have dealt with their own problems in the past, so in some ways they had some understanding of what i was, and still am going through. 

    what is even more interesting is that i actually found a new friend just after i had "come out" about the self harm. they had (and still are) dealing with their own problems, which also included self harm. you wouldnt think something like that would be a good basis for a friendship, but it was. it was something that we could talk to each other about because we had both experienced it first hand.
   i do not think it is truly possible to understand depression and the reasons behind self harm unless you have experienced it first hand. 
    because we had a common experience we were both very comfortable with each other when it came to talking about it. that is a great help. being comfortable with someone and being able to trust them and open up about things is not something i am very good at. very few people have got past my 'barriers' that i put up. but when i have become comfortable with someone to allow them to get past my defences then it has been a benefit to me. 

   allowing someone to see the real you, and not just the crudely made emotional mannequin which looks about as much like the real you as a sack of potatos with a smiley face drawn on them is a big thing. its was HUGE for me and im a glad to have those people in my life. so to those people, i say thank you. i honestly would not be here without you. i owe you BIG time.

trust is a HUGE part of life. being able to trust someone when you are at your worst is a difficult thing to do, but is worth it. just having someone there to chat with is a massive benefit.

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